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You are invited to attend the
"HUNT FOR A BARGAIN"
CELEBRITY SPECIAL AUCTION

Welcome to a "Hunt for a Bargain" Celebrity Special.  This show, being filmed by Gemini TV, will be the final episode of their current series.  Today's event is being held at Knockem-Downs' Auction House, and is being hosted by the permanently fake-tanned, ever popular Dickie Davidson.  Already contestants Flora McWatchalot and Obadiah Thomas, accompanied by celebrity medium Mystic Mags and TV dance instructress Dolores Davidson, have been out scouring the antiques fair looking for bargains.  These will be auctioned off by Sir Archibald Knockem-Down, owner of the Auction House, with all proceeds going to charity.

There are also celebrities in the audience.  Already Camilla Bowler Parkes has arrived, accompanied by her hunky personal bodyguard, Steve McMuscle.  And also present is South African multimillionaire and head of the "House of St Tropez cosmetics empire, Yves St Tropez, with his young Australian PA, Skip Tuett, in tow.

So please take a look at the lots that are to be auctioned today.  With so many bargains around, we are sure that either you, or somebody else, will make a killing...